Last
week I was in the car with my girls tooling down the Interstate when the topic
came up. Someone’s parent smoked and
what did that mean? Since I didn’t want them to rush back to their friend and
say, “Your mom smokes and it’s bad and now she’s gonna die” but did want them
to start understanding the sincerity of the decision, I simply said, “Smoking
cigarettes is unhealthy and can make you very, very, very sick. But, cigarettes are designed to make you want
more. When people first try it they don’t
think they will do it all the time, but the stuff inside them makes them want
them more and more. They are good people
that have made an unfortunate choice and it’s daddy and I’s prayer that you
would never choose to try it.”
Ironically,
this cautionary word about addiction would pop up in a new way later in the
media. A CNN article entitled “The Demise of Guys” would compare the addictive nature to drugs to that of gaming
and porn. Two psychologists teamed up to
release a book under the same title explaining both as “arousal addictions,”
where the “attraction is in the novelty, the variety or the surprise factor of
the content. Sameness is soon habituated; newness heightens excitement.” More
is needed to satisfy the urge. More violence. Racier photos. More time perusing
it.
As the
investment grows on the clock so too does its impact. The ability to reach goals is challenged. The ability to communicate is altered. The joy of having a healthy relationship is
ruined.
In our
newest book, Who’s In Your Social Network, Nathan shared,“I became so concentrated on gaming that I lost focus on goals in life. Spending massive hours on gaming instead of college, I soon dropped out and many of life’s problems soon followed. I couldn’t hold down a decent job, and I watched my life spiral downhill from there. I know that I am not alone in this addictive world. I was playing instead of living real life.''
And, while the article and book are geared towards males, this isn’t solely a boy’s struggle. Most definitely I will have to one day have discussions with my girls about the games they are choosing to play and what they choose to look at once Dora Saves the Snow Princess and Amy’s Donuts no longer cut it. After all, it is Stacy who candidly shares in the book,
“Pictures and even videos! I was hooked. Pretty soon pornography wasn’t exciting enough, I had to move to chat rooms and actually writing my own story with an anonymous person on the other side of a screen name. The sex talk got more and more involved and soon they were sending me pictures of themselves having sex, and I reciprocated. It doesn’t take long for the “fake” stuff to become boring and not satisfying, I needed the real thing.”
For her that resulted in countless hookups that left her feeling empty as well as a herpes and HPV diagnosis that changed her life. STD related cancer would cause her to endure a hysterectomy before finishing college. Not something I would ever wish for my girls.
The thing is these kids do not stand alone. They were good kids that popped in a game
without considering how much time they spent with it or, more importantly, the
content they were exposed to. Curiosity
caused them to look at an image or maybe a pop up was even attached to an okay
website that made them crave more. And
it happens to kids outside and inside the church.
Truth be told, I’m glad my kids are younger so I can talk with kids about it instead of having it be my home’s war. But, I can already see how even decorating donuts or checking Draw Something draws them in and leaves them wanting more. We chose to limit them to 30 minutes a day of technology, with some exception for educational apps/games.
However, this article reinforces the need to tailor
age old warnings to (additional) common day addictions. We need to explain how these activities cause
isolation, are addicting, and warp relationships, which WILL impact them. Communication is key to getting a joy,
maintaining friendships, and finding a spouse.
And, integrity issues that cannot be separated from what we look at will
influence the ability to have a Godly relationship.
So talk with your kids, show them the article, and if you need help or reinforcement, chapters five and six of our new book deal with these topics alone – words from their peers to help them strongly consider how what they put in affects the character they put out.
