Behind the Scenes of Father's Day: What Makes a Man

When the cute, brown eyed boy asked me out at 16 I based my "yes" on three things - his love for the Lord, the way he treated me in our friendship, and his desire to have a family.  I was in no position to be getting married but I had learned that dating could only be healthy if the field was narrowed solely to people possessing qualities I would want in a spouse.  Charlie proved to be the perfect blend of fun-loving and sincere, treating me with a respect and love that made me eager to become "Mrs. Nesdahl."

During pre-marriage counseling Charlie said he wanted six kids.  My heart hiccupped and I suggested two with agreement to pray over it.  Together the Lord has brought us perfect peace in our three.

At the time we never could've imagined that our complete family picture would be three little girls.  Although, to Charlie's credit, he did guess girl for our last (we always chose to be surprised in the delivery room) and one of my favorite memories about that day will always be Charlie pumping his fist in the air saying, "I was right.  It's a girl."

A proud papa of pink times three.  And three girls that are girly-girls no less.

This Father's Day we were near an American Girl store.  Our girls' love for American Girl cannot be overstated.  Ava just had a Bitty Baby themed birthday party because it is like an extension of her being at the tender age of two and Grace and Hannah put every dollar they get right down to the ones from the tooth fairy into their savings account with anticipation for their AG trip the next year.  And it is a love we support.  American Girl purposefully designs dolls, accessories, and clothing to help every girl have a doll like her, whether it be without hair because of chemo or in a cast or wearing a ballet leotard.  And, the enclosed charms and books all promote healthy virtues and family bonding.  These are messages we appreciate.  Still, I wasn't thinking it was the Father's Day dream and I suggested a different day.

"No," Charlie said, "It makes the most sense to do it on Father's Day."

I wasn't totally sure why but off we went.

As I looked at my man next to his girls through the lens my heart broke with a new love I never knew possible when I said, "I do."  Our Creator has this inventive way of showing us new beauty in the one we've long loved as they nurture our growing children.

My patient husband walked through the store, actually taking interest in everything the girls showed him along they way.  He got excited in their excitement.  He pretended not to see what they were doing and swallowed them in hugs when they presented their live Father's Day crafts to him.

 

And suddenly his comment was crystal clear.

It made the most sense to go to American Girl on Father's Day because it meant living the role.  Father's Day isn't a day to gloat about creating offspring but to celebrate the gift it is to have them.  So that is what my man did.

True manhood isn't about being rough and tough, raking in the dough, or being celebration worthy.  It is posturing his heart towards the Lord and listening for how to love well.  This looks different for boys verses girls and with kids of varying interests, but it boils down to the same common denominator - invested presence.

After Charlie and the kids finished off their mall experience with a laughter filled log-ride, we got in the car and I kept flipping back to the photo outside American Girl.  Surely Charlie's interest in our girls' love is teaching them that a spouse worthy boy will do the same.  His patience has to be teaching them that they should never be rushed or made to feel uncomfortable.  His hugs and "I Love Yous" leave the imprint that Godly love never hurts and always protects.  He is building them up.

Children whose father takes the time to laugh, cry, listen, and celebrate with them, are positioned for success.  A real man will live that out every opportunity he's given and both families and the future are strengthened in the process.

Thank you, Charlie, for gifting that to our kids.  You do amazing things behind the scenes!

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The Activity Circus: Growing Summer Family Time in an Overbooked Culture

School isn’t yet out as I sit with my cup of coffee to write this.  However, the near turn of the calendar page promises that very soon summer will be here.  Alarms can be turned off.  Little girls with bed head can be welcomed next to me for morning snuggles rather than hurried into the kitchen for breakfast.  Outfits won’t need to be pre-picked to make sure there are no clothing dilemmas hindering getting out of the door on time (although something tells me mine still will because they are true girly girls).  The live-by-the-clock pace necessitated by the school calendar and any accompanying extra-curriculars can be momentarily abandoned for a slower paced life of freedom and flexibility.

Or at least in theory.

Ironically the modern mom longs forward to this precious season yet in a culture that believes keeping kids busy is better we sit before a mountain of papers offering opportunity for basketball camp, soccer, dance camp, tennis,  swimming lessons,  and the list goes on.  Each, in their own right, is good and offers chance for our children to grow and excel and smile.

But are we sacrificing the most meaningful smiles in the process?

The other day I sat with a group of women.  “I don’t know how I’m going to do this.  Three kids at three different fields at the same time with only two of us seems impossible,” said one.  Feeling her pain, another piped up.  “Between all our schedules I don’t even know where we are going to find time for a family getaway.”  And the conversation snowballed with a group of understanding moms genuinely trying to do their best to gift their children with activities they like but finding themselves frazzled in the process. 

Stress is real before the theoretical “slow down” even begins.

I’m in a bible study with a friend who’s befriended someone new to our country.  By our standards we would deem her homeland impoverished and underprivileged.  Yet, as she spoke to my friend she said, “It’s so loud here. It’s too busy to hear the voice of God.”

Much to “the land of opportunities” chagrin we are scurrying around in the name of good and between the split directions, outside voices, and attempts to beat the clock we might be losing what matters most.  Focused, faith-filled hearts.  Family togetherness.  Fulfillment in the simple.

In The Message Jeremiah 2:25 reads, “Slow down. Take a deep breath. What's the hurry? Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway? But you say, 'I can't help it. I'm addicted to alien gods. I can't quit.”

And what are we after in these overbooked lives we lead?  Is it kids staying out of trouble?  Is it fun?  Somewhere buried underneath is it a status thing?  And how does this translate into our home?  Are we still experiencing the family table and getting the quality togetherness we longed for before the season started?  Or, is it snappy attitudes and shallow, rushed living?

Are we being pulled by alien gods that appear good but actually destroy?

When I walked away from that conversation I was convicted to prayerfully consider....

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Hello Monday {Saying "No" Less & "Yes" More}

It's Monday.  A fresh beginning to the calendar week and an opportunity to say "Yes" to life in new ways.

I'm thankful for this gift because one of my biggest downfalls as a mom is saying "no" too easily.  I get so caught up in how I want things to look and my day to go that when the kids toss new ideas at me that weren't on my agenda I crush it before even considering the request.  It's not something I'm proud of but it happens and I'm making a conscious effort to change that.

For all of you fellow parents nodding your head in understanding (please tell me you exist), I'd suggest picking up Lysa TerKeurst's book "Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions."     I've been reading it while peddling away my midsection at the gym and it's a pretty great.

Over the weekend Grace and Hannah were invited to a skating party.  The birthday girl's mom asked if I could help chaperone and quite frankly the idea of 10 littles on the skates made me want to run for the hills.  But, with my hubby working my "no" felt validated and I considered it an opportune time to get some additional writing work done.  That was my plan

and then God worked on my heart, reminding me it was their first time and my friend really could use the help if I could swing it.  Out the door went my writing work but deposited into my heart were some beautiful memories and a whole lot of laughter with the kids. Turns out the skating rink does all the same games they did when I went there in the 80s.  Heck, they were probably the same skates, but I'm glad I put my feet in them again.  Hello, "downtown" and "dice game!"

Then Hannah left for VBS with different shoes on.  Both glittery and the same style on the correct feet, but one silver and one black.  Since they were sleeping at grandpa and grandma's the next two nights not correcting this meant her going to church for two days with different shoes on.  Hannah was all giggles thinking it was the perfect solution to not being able to decide which color to wear.  I, on the other hand, was thinking the adults present would be judging me the inept mother who repeatedly fails to notice that her kid is in mismatched stuff.  I know different socks are the "in thing" but I don't think different shoes have hit the new trends list.

Whatever.

The point of the week is that she is a wildly loved child of God, whether her shoes match or not.  Plus turning the van around felt like too much work and a waste of extremely expensive gas.  Hello, living on the wild side.  And this really is the wild side for me. 

The blessing in the older two getting special time with grandpa and grandma is that now I get an afternoon date with this adorable sassafrass who is 25 months old today.

We ventured out and she picked a chocolate mocha cupcake.  This probably stems from my letting her try a drink of my Starbucks and realizing she loved it a little too much, but, hey, there is milk in it so it has to have at least a little brain developing value, right?!  Who cares.  It is a rare event and she devoured every morsel.  Nap time happened later than it should've but her feeding me bites in between her own and offering me chocolaty kisses was totally worth it.  Hello, flexibility.

Time with our kids marches quickly and I'm well aware that every "yes" and "no" writes something on their heart.  I want them to know that I'm at least hearing and thinking about what they are saying before I respond.  And it's already made for some pretty amazing moments.  Join me in taking a deep breath & starting new.  "Hello Monday!"

Find more truth Behind the Scenes
  
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One Situation, Two Perspectives: Will You See Beauty Inside the Storm?

I don't do storms well.

I love them outside my window but not inside my heart raging strong.

I look at the phone knowing there is a call I need to make.  A storm is brewing and I've been asked to be the calm.  A friend has asked for prayer as she awaits her phone to ring.  A different storm strikes but fear cripples just the same.

So we both hold tight.  The common denominator to all our hardship is some type of wait where we ask How long will this last?  How do we get through it?  What will this look like in the end?   Unknowns that circle us and give Satan a stronghold.

The rain hitting my window feels healing.  A temporary let up causes me to run, camera in hand, for closer viewing of the sky.  The angry clouds growl with warning that more storm is to come

And yet a quarter turn of my body reveals breathtaking beauty in the very same landscape.

The same situation can yield two totally different perspectives.

This is true of your internal storms too, Melissa. 

Where we place our focus will make all the difference in the way we see our situation.

I rotate my body one final time and see the most amazing end to the lesson He's chosen to illustrate in the sky tonight.

In between thunder's cry, God created a double rainbow.

His hope, promise, and presence in every storm of life.  Always.  For each of us.

The question is, will we choose to see the beauty inside the storm?

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Ephesians 1:4

This morning my girls are I took a trip to the Butterfly House.  They love touching the sting rays and sit much stiller than they ever do in our house in hopes of a butterfly landing on them.  Wonder fills their face as the delicate creatures swirl around them and tease with ideas of a potential stop. 

Most of the time I'm so caught up in their joy that I miss many little details myself. It is a portrayal of my life, I suppose.  Often I'm so busy with my own agenda, to-do list, or have my focus so narrowed on what I want to see that I miss God's sweet gifts placed before me.

Ava wandered off towards a big group of butterflies, not totally understanding that her tiny running body probably wouldn't help her cause, and opened her arms out wide.  I let her wait and watch.

And, in a rare moment I did the same for myself. 

My eyes slowly scanned, taking in sites I normally miss when I'm not down on toddler level.  And, when I did, I saw this

A love letter from the Creator reminding us how much we're cherished.

Ease up and widen you focus today, friends.  Our creative God is lavishing His love upon us...if we'll just take the time to see.

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Rebuilding the Ruins of Life

The children were outside running amidst the grass and dandelions enjoying the carefree joy of summer's play when I turned on the TV to confirm the news filling my twitter stream.  Immediately images of heroic teachers sharing how the saved little ones, parents being reunited with their children, parents painstakingly waiting to see their children, dogs finding way to their owner, and incredibly brave first responders going through the rubble filled my screen.

Rubble everywhere.

The destruction seemed to offer more chaos than clarity and I slowly lowered myself onto a stool trying to wrap my brain around the mess in front of me.  Tears blurred my screen as I heard Hannah say, "I'm going to make a dandelion bouquet for mommy" and another mom with children the same wondered if she would ever hear the same again.

The reporters cut to a live interview with a man filling the trunk of his destroyed car with pictures of his family.  "What are you doing?"  My annoyance for a question negating the obvious made me want to change the channel but I held it strong.  His car wasn't going to work anymore but it offered a place for him to gather the pieces remaining close to their family's heart.  "What are you going to do now?"  My frustration multiplied a thousand fold.

How is anyone supposed to know what to they are going to do when they're living in the shock of their world suddenly uprooted?

Literally in this case.

Lucky for the reporter this man was more patient than I.  "I don't know," he answered honestly.  His plan was simply to save what he could, put one foot in front of the next, and make plans as he was able.

The quiet strength in the midst of the wreckage birthed a new kind of tears.  

This morning I found myself preparing for Bible Study in the book of Isaiah.  And, as I read, I thought of that man....of all of us.

Our ruins aren't the same but devastation resonates strong.  Diagnoses destroy, unexpected losses distress, dissolved relationships overwhelm, jobs fizzle, finances fluctuate, and the list goes on. We sit in the mess of the "stuff" of life and wonder what our next step is and, even more, what the future holds. No one escapes this side of Glory without news that somehow shatters and requires strength we know not ourselves to have.

And we hear the voice of our ever-present God draws near, reminding us that He will give us the humble strength that we need to get one foot in front of the next.

For myself, this doesn't come with a loud voice of confidence or the banner cry of Christian faith, but rather the knowledge that in our brokenness He helps make us strong.

So we pray for Oklahoma

 

And with resolve we all rebuild the ruins of life with hope.

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Pomp and Circumstance

Yesterday was a momentous day.  Our sweet Hannah graduated from preschool.

Ever since Grace started school Hannah was been excited to dig into learning of her own this year proved that to be true.  She has grown and flourished in so many ways.  During the ceremony she recited several scriptures, sang songs, and then received the "teacher award."  Apparently when she grasps a skill she is eager to help her friends- LOVE that giving spirit in her!

On her graduation certificates Hannah dreams of becoming a artist or dance teacher.  She's super talented in both.

(We're totally framing this)

 

 

And it will be fun to see where God leads her in the years to come.

We are so very proud of Hannah and look forward to watching her excitedly enter our incredible elementary school.  Joy is sure to follow whatever classroom she enters. :)

May God continue to show Hannah the unique and special gifts He's given her.  We're beyond blessed to be her parents.

 

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